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Writer's pictureMichelle V. Wolf

Be Good, For Goodness’ Sake! Ending the People-Pleasing Era of the "Good Girl"


In the blink of an eye, the holiday season is here - a time often filled with joy, reflection, and, let’s be honest, a little stress. One moment, I’m dropping my girls off at college, and the next, Thanksgiving has come and gone. As we approach a brand-new year, I’ve been reflecting on the classic Christmas saying: “You better be good, for goodness' sake!” But what does “good” really mean?


For me, it has two sides. On one hand, being “good” means treating others with kindness, love, and respect. Conversely, it’s tied to societal expectations—following rules, staying in line, and meeting others’ standards. I want to take this a step further: What does “good” really mean when it comes to being a woman or girl navigating societal expectations and balancing personal values?

Could this be where our pleaser mentality and stress habits began? As we grow older and wiser, it’s worth asking: Is “being good” overrated, and does it truly serve your highest good?


This holiday season, I'm allowing you to break a rule or two. Go ahead—have fun exploring what that looks like for you. Don’t be afraid; I promise, Santa will still deliver. And what a gift it will be.


Growing up, my mom would say in her thick German accent, “Michelle, just be a good girl. Listen to me.” The message was clear: if I listened and complied, I’d be rewarded—or at the very least, things would go more smoothly. It was safer to nod, smile, and "do the right thing" to keep the peace. That phrase—“the right thing”—still makes me bristle. That early conditioning shaped how I navigated adulthood, both in my career and as a mother.


As a mom, I swung the other way, encouraging my daughters to lead, voice their opinions, and challenge norms. And while I love their confidence (careful what you wish for!), I’ve also realized how much I’ve had to unlearn about “being good.” It’s a lifelong journey to balance being kind and authentic while setting boundaries and staying true to yourself. Coaching can help you identify your priorities and stay aligned as you work toward living your truth.


As I’ve grown older, I’ve seen firsthand how strong voices often overshadow kind ones. I observed male and female leaders who weren’t revered for “being good” but for being the strongest, loudest voice in the room—often leading through fear rather than modeling respect and collaboration in the workplace. I’ve worked to model a new path—where you can lead with strength, communicate clearly, and exercise kindness. I aspired to model the belief that you can lead with compassion and show that together as a team we can achieve anything. True collaboration is one of my core values.


This wasn’t always easy, especially as I dealt with stress and chronic health challenges caused by misalignment. But those experiences taught me the importance of choosing myself, my values, and my truth - and finding a supportive community to walk alongside me. If we’re honest, no matter our age, we all aspire to be acknowledged, respected, and loved.


Learning and leaning into aligning with who you are—and staying true to yourself - in a world that often pushes you to conform from head to toe is not always easy. Life isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon, with each stage offering a new opportunity to discover more about who you are. That’s the fun part—like opening an advent calendar as a kid, never knowing what surprises each day might hold. The key is learning to receive, not viewing challenges as deficits, but as opportunities to fully experience and honor every part of life—the good and the difficult.

This holiday season, I invite you to redefine what “good” means for you. Let go of the pressure to conform and instead align with what feels true.


Here are four ways to get started:


4 Ways to Find Presence & Presents 

  1. Find your North Star: Reflect on your vision and what brings you joy. Learn. Vision. Retreat.

  2. Be True to your Core Values:  Identify what truly matters to you and let it guide your choices. It’s time to Align with YOU and your values! Research shows that aligning with your personal values leads to greater happiness and fulfillment.

  3. Speak Your Truth: Use your voice authentically and set clear boundaries. Breathwork is a great way to quiet the noise and connect with your inner voice, helping you speak your truth with confidence.

  4. Learn to Receive: Embrace life's gifts and lessons, even during challenging times. Sometimes, it’s simply about receiving the information and listening without feeling the need to respond or fix things.


Don’t wait until adulthood to find your voice—start now. Believe it or not, I’m still discovering my voice and learning how to use it most effectively. It’s time to write your holiday wish list (Maybe it’s that trip to Hawaii or a moment to breathe), ask for what you want, and sprinkle your unique mistletoe magic everywhere this season. Let’s face it—once a good girl, always a good girl. So go ahead, be good, explore being naughty and spread your love because our world could always use a little more kindness. Take it from me, it's cool to be kind. A gift to yourself and others. I'm so grateful for this incredible ommunity.


Be well. Do well.


All my best,

Join Me in Paradise - Oahu, Hawaii

Wednesday, February 5 - Friday, February 7



As we explore what it truly means to be “good” and align with your authentic self, I want to invite you to take this journey a step further—literally.


Imagine starting 2025 in a place of clarity, connection, and purpose. This February, I’m hosting a transformational retreat in Hawaii designed to help you align with your values, set your vision, and step boldly into the life you’ve been dreaming of.


Retreat Details

Dates: Thursday February 5 – Saturday, February 7, 2025Location: Romer Hotel, Honolulu, Hawaii**

Deposit: $250 to secure your spot (due by January 10, 2025)

Why This Retreat?This isn’t just a getaway—it’s an investment in yourself, your growth, and your future. Over the course of three days and three nights, we’ll dive deep into:

  • Visioning and personal transformation

  • Life-changing coaching, breathwork, and yoga

  • Somatic exercises to realign your mind, body, and spirit

  • Reflection and celebration with like-minded individuals


And to top it all off, prepare to be blown away by the incredible talent ofChef Katie Chinin her solo performance,Holy Shitake! A Wok Star is Born.  Katie will entertain you with her storytelling, culinary expertise, and her unique path to becoming a Wok Star.


Katie’s story is the perfect finale for this retreat, encapsulating the transformational journey we’ll embark on together in Hawaii. Just as Katie embraced her identity, broke through societal expectations, and redefined success on her own terms, you’ll learn to do the same through the powerful tools we’ll explore—visioning,breathwork,coaching, and more. Her performance will inspire you to fully step into your own power, aligning with the clarity and confidence you’ve been seeking.


Ready to Invest in Yourself?

Let’s make 2025 the year you thrive—starting with this unforgettable experience in paradise. Reserve your spot today with a $250 deposit.


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